Introduction

The overwhelming anxiety of reading more than 3 sentences sends me into a fury. Because my mind misses words and the sentences seem less complete.

Who am I today. I wake up slightly angry until I am dressed for the day. Clothes I have seemingly remind me of who I was yesterday.

Often searching for a reason to be angry because it feels like I’m supposed to be. But I’m a nice person. I’m a good person. I have no ill intent.

I am jealous of my alternate mindset and where I think I should be in life.

By the end of the day I am more content with who I am that day.

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Read between the lines

I was high enough to stumble and fall

But you were right there to answer my call

I said it feels like I’m running in place

Then I fell flat on my face

You see I’ve been through hell

And some real hard times

Not sure if you can tell

But I don’t read between the lines

/

I was low enough to crawl

When you answered my call

I know I’m running in place

But I just got to see your face

I want everything 

I’m a mechanic and goddammit I can’t stand it 

How can I fix you when I can’t fix myself 

This job is bad for my mental health

I don’t make enough money

But it’s actually kinda funny 

Three thousand pounds above my head

One slip could squash me dead

But the price I tell you

Might just compell you

But my life ain’t worth your precious car

Fuck this, I’m going to be a fucking star

Put the wrenches down

Where’s my fucking crown

I’m going to be a fucking King 

I want everything 

The dream that might kill me

Look I know I let you down

Just wish that you wouldn’t frown

That smile used to mean so much to me

But this is how it’s supposed to be

See when I tried my best

It was just too much stress

Maybe I’m mental

It was too much to handle

I gave it all I’ve got

I had my shot

Maybe I failed but at least I tried

If I don’t stop I will have died

This life has become toxic to me

A pain that goes through me

~I’ve been trying to quit, out of my power I never can. Just trying to shut that door and never comeback. I know I’ll miss some parts of it. But ultimately it’s going to be my death. I was just following my dream and trying to survive. 

So much sorrow 

I feel like I’m on top of the world

Because the love you give me girl

So don’t take take it personal 

When I lose control

And I talk about suicide

And feelings I can’t hide

In my head there’s a devil

In my heart there’s an angel

Yeah sometimes cashing out makes sense to me

But that’s not how it’s supposed to be

I admit I need help with what’s in my head

I really don’t want to be dead

See I’m standing still

I won’t take another pill

The pain gets worse I know

Hurts more than I’ll ever show

I used to get so high

It’s how I got by

Now all I do is drink

Because it hurts to think 

About tomorrow 

So much sorrow 

Muddering bum

Looking back I’ve been a real piece of… well I don’t look back. I can’t. There’s too much pain. I have memories but they’re not good for me. It’s always been ok for me to let things go, because at a young age I learned I had to.

In this head of mine there is another me. Fighting no wait clawing its way out creating a bloody cloud in my brain. There’s so much wrong in my head let alone this whole world.

Maybe I’m sensitive. But I like slow songs soft kisses and razor blades. No matter what me I am today I can count on Mary being here by side. I’m a fucking nut and that’s ok with her.

/face it

Trying to get creative

And I didn’t wanna say this

But let’s just face it

We all fake it

I’m stuck in a bad place

But you couldn’t see it in my face

See I hide it all away

And I’ll die another day

We all get a little emotional

And kind of lose control

I’m carrying boulders

There’s a lot on my shoulders

I see them drop

The gunshots don’t stop

And I can’t get much sleep

They’re shooting across the street

Starting to get creative

Somebody had to say this

It’s time to face it

I’m angry not racist